Bestest Friend

"Wow! I've never won anything before!"

- Keef

Plot Summary
During lunch, Zim overhears Jessica talking at another lunch table. Wondering why Zim has no friends, she comments that having no friends is so "inhuman". Hearing this, Zim fears that his lack of friends will expose his identity as an alien, leading him to be captured by human scientists.

Seeking to rectify this, he goes over to the "Rejects" table, and asks which of them wishes to be his best friend. After talking to a couple, he poses three challenges to the remaining children. He tests their absorbency, electro-conductivity, and issues a "final test" that includes a beaver and a toy taxi. What happened during this test is hidden from the audience, but evidently causes great pain, as the children Zim is testing are heard screaming during the procedure. After all the tests are concluded, Zim determines a red-haired child named Keef to be the winner, and thus dubs his best friend.

Following a bizarre montage of friend-filled weirdness, Zim dismisses Keef and states that he requires Keef's services no longer. Keef, however, fails to receive the message, and proceeds to stalk Zim. In a final attempt to rid himself of Keef after hearing of a surprise party Keef is throwing for him, Zim builds a "present" for Keef, which removes his eyes in a gruesome fashion and replaces them with new, artifical eyes. These new eyes have hypnotic properties, and Zim uses them to convince Keef that a territorial squirrel is him. Keef falling off a rooftop and getting caught in a giant explosion, with GIRsuperimposed on the screen stirring his cake batter.